Interesting Articles and Quotes

2. Give 80 percent to your partner. Nothing solidifies love and trust like being thoughtful and giving toward your mate. If both of you are doing this, then each feels pretty satisfied and loved. Of course, there will be and should be times when you need to put yourself first — but these times should be in the minority. If you give to your mate, he or she will really enjoy giving to you. Nothing breeds love like giving love.

3. Love on balance. By this I mean that no one is perfect and you will not love everything about anyone. Unfortunately, many people think they are supposed to love everything about their partner and so when there is something they don't like, they begin to fixate on this characteristic and even try to change it. When it comes to love, you must take the good with the bad, because in the grand scheme of the relationship, the positive should outweigh the negative.

4. Determine the source of your unhappiness. Marital dissatisfaction often has its roots in personal unhappiness (which can be related to work, level of success, health or weight, etc.). Often these personal shortcomings are blamed on the marriage. In fact, many couples that at one time chose to remain in unhappy marriages end up happy five years later — even though nothing in the marriage itself has changed. So if you feel it's your relationship that is making you miserable, try to step back and see if it is really you.

5. Treasure your ''life history.'' When you stay together with someone you love, it inevitably means that you build something together. This ''something'' is something invaluable and irreplaceable — a life history. No other person will know you as intimately and intensely for these years of your life: Who else will share your happiness and disappointments as fully, love your children the way you do and hold the same memories of your family? These commonalties are often underrated by couples and then sorely missed when they are gone. Value, nurture and hold on to your life history, because it will be a tremendous source of pleasure to you both.

תוקן על ידי רציו ב- 24/11/2007 22:56:16

Old rule: You can tell if you're truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can't tell if you're truly attracted to someone until you've had three dates

''Love at first sight'' is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it's darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you're a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone's long-term potential. ''An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner's values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,'' says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don't write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you've done due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your ''must list''
New rule: A ''must list'' looks great on paper, but paper won't keep you warm at night

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary — but unless you're building your lover in a lab, you're missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-pack-a-day smoker who doesn't want kids when you're allergic to smoke and eager to start a family. But settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. ''Must lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,'' says Fleming. ''They're too limiting and don't allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.'' Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone's height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone's 6'2'', blonde, or makes six figures doesn't mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your ideal-mate wish list as just one factor in deciding who's right for you.

Old rule: Opposites attract
New rule: Opposites distract

Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of someone really new and different, lots of challenging banter and scintillating make-up sex—but sustaining a partnership with your polar opposite may ultimately prove unfulfilling. ''The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life that attraction fizzles quickly,'' says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. ''If you don't like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the bedroom. And if you don't want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?'' We're not saying you should end up with your clone, but ideally it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date's record collection (or DVD library, or bookshelf) mirrors yours—so you must be soul mates
New rule: You want a person, not an iPod playlist

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you know it must be love: Each of you saw Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside out. But don't confuse mirror-image taste with chemistry. In fact, it's probably better if your interests don't match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in something new that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. ''Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of 'his, her, and our' time,'' notes relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart—you doing dips at ballroom dancing class, your date doing the wave at an NBA game.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience
New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential

In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you've exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). '' A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values,'' points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it's true love, you think about this person constantly
New rule: When it's true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good

Hmm, has Willie Nelson's ''You're Always on My Mind'' become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. ''Constantly thinking about another person isn't love, it's infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,'' says Fleming. Ultimately, it's a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. ''If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust, and a strong 'friendship' factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,'' says Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person's emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn't really want to be yours.

Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions.

http://msn.chemistry.com/msnarticles/RulesOfAttraction?trackingid=508259&bannerid=2002322&GT1=10886


Another interesting article:
Why it's OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/

תוקן על ידי רציו ב- 10/02/2008 18:45:57

5 signs she's into you

1. She tilts her head
''When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head,'' Hartley says. A tilt in any direction — right, left or down — are all signs that she's interested in getting to know you better—say, over another date.

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip
When a woman is drawn to a guy, she'll instinctively mirror his actions, Hartley says. While men do this, too, women are more likely than men to first begin the copying. What should you look for? ''You might notice she will shift her body in the same direction as yours or take your lead for behavior changes like picking up a glass to drink or blinking her eyes repeatedly if you're doing so,'' he suggests. If you want to test her, lean forward and see if she comes closer, too.

3. She twirls her hair
Since the beginning of time, a woman's hair has been celebrated as a symbol of her sexuality (does the story of Samson and Delilah ring a bell?). And it's true today, says Hartley: If your date begins twirling or playing with her hair while talking to you, it is a good sign she's into you and subconsciously trying to attract you.

4. She gets a glow
While blushing often means embarrassment, don't assume that her rosy cheeks are an indication of discomfort. When a woman is sexually aroused and attracted, blood flows not only to her nether regions, but also to her face, which causes her cheeks to get redder, Hartley explains. And if your date is smitten, he adds, her lips and even eyelids will get fuller, too, he says.

5. Her pupils dilate
While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils, advises Hartley. ''When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate,'' he notes. ''Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing.''

…and five signs your date is not into you

1. She crosses her arms
Did she assume the angry librarian stance? ''When a woman on a date places her hands in front of her body — especially if they are crossed — she is closing herself off from the man,'' Hartley notes. If you get this red flag, you don't stand a chance… and she wants you to know it. ''Men are not nearly as perceptive as women, so even if she's not consciously aware of it, a woman knows her body language needs to be very loud,'' Hartley explains. ''In this instance, that body language reads loud and clear.''

2. She places her bag between your two
''When I ask male friends how a blind date went, step-by-step, and they say'she put her bag on the table,' I always know that's a bad sign,'' Hartley says. If your date places her purse — a real and physical barrier — between you two, she's showing she wants to create distance, he says. Not a good sign.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer
So she seems to love talking to you? Before you break open the bubbly, note the speed of her small talk. ''Romantic conversation does not occur at the same speed as business conversation,'' Hartley says. ''Conversation between two people who are attracted typically slows to about three-quarter speed and softens. In fact, most emotional conversation — with the exception of very hostile conversation — is at a slowed cadence.'' That said, she may be nervous early in your first date, and her nerves can cause her to spit her sentences out rapid-fire. But if by the end of the evening she's still going at a rapid rate, consider it a clue that she just wants to be friends at best.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile
Though it's tempting to interpret any old smile as a sign of interest, all smiles are not created equal. Smiles can say a lot— ''I'm polite,'' ''I'm crazy about you,'' and, believe it or not, ''I can't stand you.'' The secret to decoding what her smile really means? It's all in the chin placement. A woman who gives you a relaxed, chin-down ''soft smile'' is smitten and wants you to dig her back, Hartley explains. A full-on toothpaste grin or stiff and polite smile — both of which generally involve the chin raised up — mean either ''I like you as a friend'' or ''I wanna get out of here!''

5. She strokes her neck
If your date's telling you she agrees that you should get together again, that's a good sign, right? Maybe, says Hartley. ''Her body language may be the key to the real truth,'' he says. ''If a woman is gently stroking her neck when telling you this, it may be a sign that she's interested, but it is also known to be a sign of lying.'' To figuring out which message she's sending, consider the aforementioned ''she's not into you'' signals. If she's also giving you the raised-chin smile and speaking to you over a giant purse, you may want to move on to your next prospect.

5 signs he's into you

1. He closes the distance
''First and foremost, moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate contact,'' Hartley says. So if a guy you're talking to at a party inches a little closer as you talk, or your date slides into the same side of the booth as you, you know he wants to get to know you better—and not as a friend.

2. He speaks softly
When a man talks in a quieter voice, it's an excellent sign, Hartley explains. ''He's indicating that what he's saying is for your ears only,'' he says. ''If he's telling you something private or secret, it's a good thing—guys don't do that to women they're not into.'' If you want to let that soft-talker know you feel the same way, respond in kind, which should quickly turn those sparks into an all-out fire. Caveat: If you're in a loud bar or restaurant, where you have to shout to be heard, you can't tell anything by his decibel level. So wait until you're walking or driving home to see whether he's turned the volume down.

3. He rounds his posture
Hypermasculine body language (think: swaggering walk, standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, etc.) serves to attract women from a distance. But when a guy is talking close-up with a woman he likes, he will soften, or ''round'' his body language, Hartley notes. If your guy's squared shoulders cave in when he's chatting with you, he's indicating that he feels comfortable and secure in your presence.

4. He talks slowwwly
Like birds in a mating dance, men typically talk more slowly and softly when they are attracted to someone, Hartley explains. Of course, if he knocked back a few gigante lattes on a first date, he may be too wired (and nervous) to sound like Barry White, but give it time: If his speech starts to make you feel sleepy, he's a goner.

5. He can't take his eyes off you (in a good way)
So his eyes are locked on yours? As long as it isn't a psycho stare, but rather a lingering, heavy-lidded, ''Wow, you're amazing'' gaze, that guy is digging you big-time, Harley says.

…and 5 signs your date isn't into you

1. He's four feet away
If his motto may as well be The Police's ''Don't Stand So Close to Me'', he's not feelin' you romantically, Hartley says. How do you define ''distance''? ''If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that's his heart's not in it,'' says Hartley.

2. He stands at an oblique angle facing you
''Most men do not realize that when talking to another man, we stand at oblique angles, with one shoulder facing the other's face, yet when we talk to women — especially ones we're interested in romantically — we stand face-to-face with them,'' Hartley says. If your guy's shoulder is pointing in the direction of your face during conversation, he's subconsciously showing disinterest or is trying to turn you off, Hartley explains.

3. He sounds like that guy in accounting
If your date is talking to you like you're someone at the office — meaning the pace is quick and the level of his voice is rather strong — ''he's probably just trying to keep it to friend level,'' Hartley says. With time, you might notice a change — after all, he just might want to keep it ''professional'' on the first date or two while he gets to know you — but if it remains this way after a few dates, cut your losses.

4. He stares at your mouth
When a guy focuses on your lips, what he's really trying to do is avoid eye contact, Hartley explains. ''If he's avoiding eye contact, you can pretty safely assume he's not into you,'' he asserts. If your date fixes his gaze below your face, he's probably interested in you, but perhaps not for a long-term relationship, if you know what we mean…

5. He's out of sync with your body language
When a guy is romantically interested in you, he will mimic your body language, so if he doesn't copy you, gesture for gesture, odds are he isn't smitten, Hartley says. To test the waters, try leaning in closer to you date, using your hands to emphasize what you're saying. If your guy does the same, it's a great sign. But if he keeps his hands still, pulls away or takes a step backwards, he may be unavailable or just plain not interested.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8949&menuID=6

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8950&menuID=6

תוקן על ידי רציו ב- 15/02/2008 10:30:54