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| נשלח ב-7/9/2006 04:47 |
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Bill Gates Meets His Programmer
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stands over him and says, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was beautiful and clean, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great," he thought, "if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell.Bill looked up, yelled for God, told him his decision and was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
"So, how is everything going?" God asked.
Bill responded with a cracking voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place...with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?"
"That was the demo," replied God.
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| נשלח ב-18/9/2006 13:13 |
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סודוקו היהודי
סיפור נחמד מהמאה האחרונה מתאר את אופן החשיבה של לומדי הגמרא:
אברך יהודי מאודסה, קיבל רשיון לבקר במוסקבה. הוא עלה על רכבת ומצא מושב ריק.
בתחנה הבאה עלה בחור צעיר והתיישב לצידו .
האברך הביט בבחור הצעיר וחשב: הבחור הזה לא נראה כמו איכר, ואם הוא לא איכר
סביר להניח שהוא מגיע מהמחוז בו אנו נמצאים. ואם הוא מגיע מהמחוז הזה, הוא
מוכרח להיות יהודי, משום שזהו, לאחר הכול, מחוז יהודי. מצד שני, אם הוא יהודי,
לאן הוא יכול לנסוע? אני היחיד בכל המחוז שזכיתי באישור כניסה למוסקבה.
רגע - ממש ליד מוסקבה ישנו כפר קטן שנקרא סמווט, ולשם אין צורך באשרה מיוחדת .
אבל למה שהוא ייסע לסמווט? כנראה הוא נוסע לבקר את אחת המשפחות היהודיות שם.
אבל כמה משפחות יהודיות יש בסמווט? רק שתיים - משפחת ברנשטיין ומשפחת שטיינברג.
הברנשטיינים הם משפחה איומה, אז בטח הוא נוסע לבקר את שטיינברג.
אבל למה הוא נוסע? לשטיינברגים יש רק בנות, אז אולי הוא החתן שלהם. אבל אם זה
מה שהוא, אז למי מהבנות הוא נשוי? שרה התחתנה עם עורך-דין נחמד מבודפשט, ואסתר
נשואה לאיש עסקים מז'יטומיר. אז זה מוכרח להיות בעלה של שרה. מה שאומר שקוראים
לו אלכסנדר כהן, אם אני לא טועה.
רגע, אם הוא מגיע מבודפשט, עם כל האנטישמים שיש שם, הוא בטח שינה את השם שלו.
מה המקבילה ההונגרית לכהן? קובאץ'.
אבל אם הוא שינה את שמו, בטח יש לו מעמד מיוחד. מה זה יכול להיות? דוקטוראט
מהאוניברסיטה .
בנקודה הזאת פונה האברך אל הבחור הצעיר ואומר "מה שלומך דוקטור קובאץ'?"
"טוב מאוד, תודה." עונה הנוסע, "אבל מאיפה אתה יודע איך קוראים לי"
" משיב האברך, "זה הרי ברור מאליו ..."
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| נשלח ב-18/9/2006 18:55 |
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An Israeli recently arrives at London 's Heathrow airport.
As he fills out the customs' form, the customs officer asks him: "
Occupation? "
The Israeli promptly replies: "No, just visiting!"
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| נשלח ב-19/9/2006 07:27 |
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The other side of the story
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The thrid guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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| נשלח ב-26/9/2006 11:44 |
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Eternal Jewish Truths
* The Optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.
* If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
* If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
* Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?
* WASPS leave and never say goodbye, Jews say goodbye and never leave.
* Never pay retail
* No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry, but then again no one leaves with a hangover.
* The high holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
* Always whisper the names of diseases.
* If you don't eat, it will kill me.
* Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
* Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
* Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
* A bad matzah ball makes a good paper weight.
* Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
* Before you read the menu, read the prices.
* There's a time in every man's life when he must stand up and tell his mother he's an adult. This usually happens at around 45.
* According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
* If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone to hear.
* If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.
* But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everyone what you paid.
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| נשלח ב-25/10/2006 20:39 |
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PRACTICE JEWISH ZEN
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue.
Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms
bowl.
Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as
the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Budhha
with posture like that.
*There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never
called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
*Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
*Do not let children play contact sports like football. These
only lead to injuries and instill a violent, war-like nature. Encourage
your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
>>
*To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do
the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
*Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the
bamboo.Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
*Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in
mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
*If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
*Those who know do not kibbitz. Those who kibbitz do not know.
*Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this
and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
*Do not kvetch. Be a kvetch. Become one with your whining.
*The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take
sides.The Tao is not Jewish.
Whenever you feel anger, you should say, "May I be free of this
anger!" This rarely works, but talking to yourself in public will
encourage others to leave you alone.
*The Buddha taught that one should practice lovingkindness to all
sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient
being who happens to be Jewish?
*Enter into your inner self and behold the eye of the soul. Gaze
upon your original face before you were even born. Shocked? Remember,
this was before the nose job.
*Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all
things faster.
*In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind
may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or
prefer.Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?"
*To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten
thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom
has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
*Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
*Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then
what do you have? Bupkes.
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| נשלח ב-3/11/2006 12:46 |
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Computer gender in French
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ''House'' for instance, is feminine: "la maison." "Crayon," however, is masculine:
"Le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("Le computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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| נשלח ב-9/11/2006 18:43 |
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בית החולים תל השומר, ערב גשום. רק סניטר אחד, שמו - שמיל, נדפק ברשימת התורנויות
ונשאר להעביר את הלילה בחדרו של ראש הממשלה הישן אריאל שרון.
כולם יודעים שהוא כבר לא ראש ממשלה, רק הוא עוד לא יודע.
שמיל יושב ומקלף תפוח, ג', מאבטח השב"כ, ישן.
לפתע מכשירים בחדר מתחילים לצפצף, נורות מתחילות להבהב, קווים ישרים מתחילים להתעקל:
ראש הממשלה מתעורר !!
"מזמן לא ישנתי ככה", הוא אומר: "בחור, תשיג לי את אדלר, יש לי רעיון לכיוון חדש".
"בוקר טוב אדוני" אומר לו שמיל. "איך אתה מרגיש?"
ראש הממשלה בדיעבד עונה "מת מרעב. איפה אני?"
מאבטח השב"כ ממשיך לנמנם בעוד שמיל מספר לראש הממשלה את שארע לו.
"אז נדפקת עם ראש הממשלה הערב, מה?"
"אני מצטער אדוני, אבל אתה כבר לא ראש הממשלה".
לאחר מספר רגעי מבוכה שואל אריק: "אז מי החליף אותי?" ונענה "אהוד אולמרט"
"אולמרט? הפוץ הירושלמי הזה? מה הוא יודע? מה יקרה אם תפרוץ מלחמה, הוא ידע איך להנהיג את הצבא? מזל ששאול עוד שם".
"שאול מופז שר התחבורה" מעדכן שמיל.
"אז מי בביטחון?"
"פרץ" אומר שמיל.
"הזקן הזה עוד חי?!", שואל ראש הממשלה המתעורר.
"לא פרס, פרץ, עמיר פרץ", לוחש שמיל ברעד.
"מה?! השתגעתם? עצמתי עין לרגע ונתתם למנהיג פועלים להשתלט על ביטחון המדינה?
לא כל המפעלים בדימונה זה אותו דבר, הוא יודע את זה?... תשמע בחור, אתה תזעיק
לי פה מיד את עמרי, הוא יסדר לי את זה".
"מצטער אדוני, עמרי בדרך לכלא".
"לכלא???", שואג ראש הממשלה במפתיע "על השטות ההיא? אני לא מאמין. אני חייב עורך-דין ומהר. תעיר את קלגסבלד"
שמיל נבוך, "דורי קלגסבלד כבר באזור של עמרי".
אריק נרגע, "ידעתי שאפשר לסמוך על קלגסבלד"
אך שמיל מתקן "גם קלגסבלד בדרך לכלא, הוא עשה תאונה, לא שם לב והרג, לא בזדון, בחורה צעירה ואת בנה הקטן"
"אז תביא את יצחקי. אביגדור תמיד יודע איך לקמבן אותנו במצבים כאלה".
"אדוני, נגד יצחקי יש חשדות על ייעוץ מס לא חוקי. הוא קימבן קצת יותר מדי".
"לא יכול להיות, אני מכיר את אביגדור, תפרו לו תיק. תשיג לי את מפכ"ל המשטרה".
"מצטער אדוני, קראדי עסוק בחקירה".
"הוא שוטר, בטח שהוא עסוק בחקירה".
"לא אדוני, הפעם זו חקירה נגדו".
שרון לוקח נשימה עמוקה. "לא ייתכן, מערכת המשפט שלנו התקלקלה. חייבים להוציא
את שניהם מהסבך הזה. קרא לשר ביטחון פנים. צחי, כן?". "אדוני, נגד צחי הנגבי
הוגש כתב אישום במספר סעיפים של שוחד ומרמה. הוא לא השר לביטחון פנים".
"אז מה עם שר המשפטים? את מי אולמרט מינה?"
"הוא מינה את חיים רמון"
"אז תביא אותו!"
"מצטער אדוני, נגד רמון הוגש כתב אישום על מעשה מגונה".
"מה?! עזוב, בוא נעבור שלב, קרא ישר לקצב. קצב עדיין הנשיא, כן?"
"מצטער, אדוני, קצב בנבצרות כרגע"
"איפה?"
"בנבצרות. הוא בחקירה על אונס של חמש בחורות והאזנות סתר".
"אח, קצב הזה, תמיד ידעתי שהוא עומד קרוב מדי כשהוא מדבר. שמע, המצב ממש על הפנים. אני צריך את הרמטכ"ל, בוגי. אה סליחה... חלוץ. הוא בסדר, כן?"
"יש איזה עניין עם מניות, אבל לא פלילי. הבעיה העיקרית איתו זה שהוא יוזמן בקרוב לועדת חקירה ברשות שופט על כישלון המלחמה בלבנון". "אבל בזמן המלחמה הוא היה רק ילד, טייס פייפר בקושי".
"מלחמת לבנון השניה, אדוני. ישנת, זוכר? היתה מלחמה... אנחנו די, איך לומר את
זה בעדינות... הפסדנו. אבל ראש הממשלה ביקש שנתאזר בסבלנות, אולי הניצחון עוד יגיע".
אריק הסתכל סביב, הביט באור הפלורוצנט ובחדר הירוק בתוכו הוא נמצא. בכיסא ליד
המיטה ישן ג' המאבטח. לצידו עמד כד עם זר סיגליות בימיו האחרונים.
"תגיד אתה, איך קוראים לך?"
"שמיל, אדוני".
"ומה התפקיד שלך פה?"
"אני סניטר, אדוני".
"סניטר, מה? טוב, אז תעשה טובה, אל תספר לאף אחד על השיחה הזו".
"אתה יכול לסמוך עליי, אדוני".
"אני חוזר לישון. שנה טובה."
"שנה טובה אדוני".
"וסליחה, אה?"
"סלחנו, אדוני".
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| נשלח ב-9/11/2006 19:55 |
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What happens when a fly falls into a cup of coffee
The Englishman -
throws the cup and walks away.
The American -
takes out the fly and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese -
eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Japanese -
drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra.
The Israeli -
sells the coffee to the American, the fly to the Chinese,
and buys himself a new cup of coffee.
The Palestinian -
blames the Israeli for the violent act of putting the fly in his coffee,
asks the UN for aid, takes a loan from the European Union
to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives
and then blows up the coffee house where the Englishman,
the American, the Chinese, the Japanese are all trying to explain to the
Israeli that he was too aggressive.
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| נשלח ב-20/11/2006 23:56 |
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Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
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| נשלח ב-29/11/2006 13:43 |
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Jewish Mother - daughter
>>
>>
>>Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>Hello?
>>
>>Daughter
>>Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>You're going out?
>>
>>Daughter
>>Yes.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>With whom?
>>
>>Daughter
>>With a friend.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
>>
>>Daughter
>>I didn't leave him. He left me!
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>You let him leave you, and now you go out with
>>anybodies and nobodies.
>>
>>Daughter
>>I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>I never left you to go out with anybody except your
>>father.
>>
>>Daughter
>>There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>What are you hinting at?
>>
>>Daughter
>>Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>You're going to stay the night with him? What will
>>your husband say if he finds out?
>>
>>Daughter
>>My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.
>>>From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
>>
>>Daughter
>>He's not a loser.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>A man who goes out with a divorced woman with
>>children is a loser and a parasite.
>>
>>Daughter
>>I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>Poor children with such a mother.
>>
>>Daughter
>>Such a what?
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
>>
>>Daughter
>>ENOUGH!!!
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
>>
>>Daughter
>>Now you're worried about the loser?
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
>>
>>Daughter
>>Goodbye, mother.
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
>>
>>Daughter
>>I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
>>
>>Jewish Mother
>>If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
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| נשלח ב-30/11/2006 18:49 |
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Pope vs. Rabbi :)
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked the aged but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.
The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
"Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us."
"Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin."
"He had me beaten and I could not continue."
Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Rabbi Moishe.
"First the Pope said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger." "Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, and I said to him, we're staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."
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| נשלח ב-18/1/2007 21:41 |
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You'll enjoy this... Test
To take this test??slowly scroll down to each of the four questions being
careful each time not to show the answer that follows the question until after
you have given your answer.?? There are 4 questions.? Don?t rush --- take your
time and think through your answer as you would on any important decision.
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1. ?How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and c lose the
door. ? This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly
complicated way.
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2. ?How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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Did you say, o pen the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant
and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions
of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. ? All the animals Attend..
except one, which animal does not attend?
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Correct Answer: The Elephant. ? The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just
put him in there. ?This tests your memory. ? Okay, even if you did not answer
the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your
true abilities.
4. ?There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not
have a boat. ? How do you manage it?
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Correct Answer: ?You jump into the river and swim across. ? Have you not been
listening? ? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. ?This tests
whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they
tested, got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct
answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that
most professionals have the brains of a f our-year-old.
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| נשלח ב-18/1/2007 21:44 |
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Kids are quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot clos er to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the n inth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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