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| נשלח ב-28/12/2004 06:23 |
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A Synagogue's Custom
A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.A Synagogue's Custom
A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... "
"That," said the old man, "is our custom."
"Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... "
"That," said the old man, "is our custom."
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| נשלח ב-28/12/2004 06:27 |
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Family of the Groom
At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies were to take their final vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began.
They were seated at the back of the sanctuary and insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began.
When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their midst at the mass but was curious as to why they were present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ."
The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."
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| נשלח ב-28/12/2004 06:28 |
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Deliverance
It is pouring rain in the flood plain of the Mississippi Valley, and the rising river begins to threaten all manner of private homes, including that of the local Rabbi.
With water coming into the ground floor, a rowboat with police comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me." Three hours go by, and the rains intensify, at which point the Rabbi has been forced up to the second floor of his house.
A second police rowboat comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."
The rain does not stop, and the Rabbi is forced up onto the roof of his house. A helicopter flies over, and the officer shouts down, "Rabbi, grab the rope and we'll pull you up! You're in terrible danger!"
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."
The deluge continues, and the Rabbi is swept off the roof, carried away in the current and drowns. He goes up to heaven, and at the Pearly Gates he is admitted, and comes before the Divine Presence.
The Rabbi asks, "Dear Lord, I don't understand. I've been a righteous observant person my whole life, and depended on you to save me in my hour of need. Where were you?"
And the Lord answered, "I sent two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?"
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| נשלח ב-25/1/2005 23:59 |
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You know how to you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.
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| נשלח ב-26/1/2005 00:05 |
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A Hole in One
A rabbi loved to play golf, but he never seemed to have time. He couldn't play on Shabbat, there was religious school on Sundays, and on days off, something always comes up.
But, amidst all the activity of the High Holidays, he got a very early tee time before services on Yom Kippur.
A passing angel saw him and reported to the Lord. "I'll take care of him," was the casual response, and the angel hurried back to the golf course to watch.
On the next hole, the rabbi got a hole in one.
Baffled, the angel returned to question the Lord. "Weren't you going to punish him for playing golf on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar?" the angel asked. "He just got a hole in one!"
"I know," replied the Lord. "But who's he going to tell?"
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| נשלח ב-26/1/2005 00:09 |
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A Catholic priest and a rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job deions and promotions.
"What do you have to look forward to in terms of being promoted?" asked the rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the rabbi.
"Well, next I can become a bishop."
"Yes, and then?"
"If I work real hard and do a good job as bishop, it's possible for me to become an archbishop."
"OK, then what?"
Exasperated, the priest replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a cardinal."
"And then?"
Growing angry, the priest responded, "Well, with lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work, if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?"
"Good grief!" shouted the priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," responded the rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
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| נשלח ב-26/1/2005 00:13 |
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How to Have a Perfect Pastor
A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:
Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.
He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.
He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.
He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.
He is 28 years of age, but he's been preaching for 30 years.
He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.
He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.
He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become polically involved.
He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.
He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.
A man at the State Fair saw a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah...," said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of three children."
"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of two children."
The psychic grinned and said, "That's what you think!"
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| נשלח ב-26/1/2005 21:00 |
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"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the preacher's answer.
"Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, my son, absolutely."
"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
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| נשלח ב-4/2/2005 18:03 |
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The Schizophrenic Buddhist
Q: What do you call a schizophrenic Buddhist?
A: Someone who is at two with the universe.
What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous."
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| נשלח ב-9/3/2005 13:10 |
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Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Another similar one:
Man falls in love with his eyes, Woman falls in love with her ears!
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| נשלח ב-9/3/2005 13:12 |
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Did you know ???
Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because you really like that person?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you, Sorry and help me
The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who need more of you are those that don't mention it to you?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face?But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?
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| נשלח ב-9/3/2005 13:18 |
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Rabbi, A Hindu and a Lawyer
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"
The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...
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| נשלח ב-16/3/2005 12:01 |
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Man unites himself with the world in the process of creation
Erich Fromm
Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts
Swami Sivananda
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| נשלח ב-22/3/2005 14:06 |
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Even if YOU don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic™ knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic™ will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html
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