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| נשלח ב-20/1/2006 03:39 |
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Joe Smith started the day early having set his
alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.AMERICA.....
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| נשלח ב-3/3/2006 00:22 |
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and
Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are
going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from
car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a gallon"
תוקן על ידי - טובעין - 03/03/2006 1:01:32
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| נשלח ב-6/3/2006 12:31 |
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ןזאלב וצ ןביוהעגנא ןבאה דנאלשטייד ןיא ןעוו עשיטימעסיטנא
ןטניוו ןדיא ןגעק , א ןיא ןגנאגעג ןיירא בר א זיא סטאטש - ןטראג יז ך
רעמייב יד רעטנוא ןרעטפילוצסיוא .
פּעשטעגוצ ךיז טאה ןוא טימעסיטנא רענעסיבראפ א םהיא וצ טע
רעגניפ ןייז טימ ןזיוועג םהיא , טפירשפיוא יד טימ לוואט א ףיוא :
" ד ןיא ןעמוק וצ ןיירא ןטאבראפ זיא טנוה ראפ ןוא ןדיא ראפ םע
ןטראג !"
בר רעד טגאז : ס יוו ' סיוא טהעז , ןזומ רימ עדייב םעד ןזאלראפ
ןטראג . ..
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| נשלח ב-6/3/2006 19:25 |
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Jack was coming out of shul one day, and the rabbi was standing at the door as he
always did to shake hands.
The rabbi grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.
The rabbi said to him, "You need to join the Army of HaShem!"
Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of HaShem, Rabbi."
The rabbi questioned, "How come I almost never see you except at Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur?!"
Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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| נשלח ב-15/3/2006 22:12 |
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<* style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid">
Can't eat Beef, Mad cow disease
Can't eat chicken . bird flu
Can't eat eggs ... Salmonella
Can't eat fish ... heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat
Can't eat fruits and veggies ... insecticides and herbicides
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate!!!!!!!!
Remember - - -
"STRESSED" spelled backwards is "DESSERTS"
Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds.
Send this to everyone you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10
pounds.
(If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.)
"That's why I had to pass this on - - - - - I didn't want to risk it."
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| נשלח ב-5/4/2006 01:04 |
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Shmulik, a religious Jew as well as a financial genius, left Brooklyn for a job as CFO of a well known brokerage firm in Utah (which is known as the Mormon state).
The pressure on the company president from the directors was immense: "We can't have a Jew running the business - we're religious Mormons here," they said.
The president took Shmulik aside for a talk and explained unequivocally that he would have to convert if he wanted to hold on to his honorable (not to mention 6-figure-earning) position. Shmulik had no choice. However difficult it might be to convert, it was less difficult than losing this great job. He went home and told his wife, "It's simple. From this Sunday on we'll be going to church with the kids".
So passed a good few months, but his wife wouldn't stop nagging him, saying, "It's so difficult for me, I miss Sabbath, lighting candles, kiddush, festivals...you know money isn't everything, Shmulik"
The more she nagged him, the more Shmulik's conscience bothered him too. Finally, he'd had enough. He went back to the president of the company and said "Listen, I can't go on like this, my guilt is eating me up inside. Money isn't everything. I can't even sleep at night, and neither can my wife. It's too much for me - I was born a Jew, and I want to die a Jew. If you want me to quit, I'll leave without making a fuss."
The president looked at him in amazement and said "Listen Samuel, [that's what they called him in Utah], I had no idea it was so tough for you. I figured changing religions would be a simple thing. You've been a great asset to the company. We need you here. Stay Jewish as you wish. Don't worry, I'll take care of the rest".
Shmulik went home with a thrill in his heart and a spring in his step. He ran to his wife (who was on the couch ) and said "Tzipporah, you won't believe it, a miracle happened! We're going back to being Jews, and it's OK! I talked to my boss and he's letting me keep my job!"
Tzippy (that's what they called her in Brooklyn) looked at him with eyes spitting fire and said "Tell me, ARE YOU NUTS!!!!!
Shmuel looked at her in shock. But...but I thought that was what you wanted all along, what you were crying to me about day and night. What? You don't want to go back to being Jewish?"
Tzippy looked even more upset and said "Of course I do - BUT NOW?!?!?! TWO WEEKS BEFORE PESACH?!?!?!?"
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| נשלח ב-5/4/2006 02:13 |
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יוא די דזשאוק איז אזוי אלט... איך האב עס געהערט אויף די פריץ מיטן מאשקע.
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| נשלח ב-27/4/2006 23:04 |
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In *:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Lakewood they are investigating the possibility of being mevatel Cherem Derabbeinu Gershom. They've come to the conclusion that one wife just isn't enough to support a family!
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| נשלח ב-7/8/2006 23:33 |
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you find out interesting things when you have sons, like
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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| נשלח ב-3/10/2006 09:38 |
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Q. why are nushim putor from a mitzvas eseh shehazman gruma?
A. becuase they are never ready on time.
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| נשלח ב-3/10/2006 23:11 |
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פארוואס האבן לעצטנס אידענעס גימאכט א "לשון הרע שעה" ? ווען מרעדט נישט קיין שום לשון הרע (נאר אויפ האזבענד)
זיי ווילען מאכן לשון הרע א מצות עשה שהזמן גרמא!
טאמער איר האט שוין געהערט, זייט איהר פטור פון לאכן.
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| נשלח ב-3/10/2006 23:21 |
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A fly in a cup of coffee.
What happens when a fly is found in a coffee cup depends on who found it.
American: Throws away the cup of coffee.
Brit: Removes the fly and drinks the coffee.
Chinese: Eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
Japanese: Drinks the coffee along with the fly since the latter is a
free benefit.
Isra*:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />eli: Sells the coffee to a Brit and the fly to a Chinese and buys
a new coffee.
Palestinian: Throws the fly into the coffee, then blames Israel.
Requests financial assistance from the United Nations to buy more coffee.
Takes a loan from the European Union for a new coffee. Uses the money to
buy explosives. Afterwards, blows up the cafe where the Brit, the American, the
Chinese and the Japanese are all trying to explain to the Israeli why the
Palestinian is justified in being so angry.*:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
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| נשלח ב-4/10/2006 20:17 |
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A fly in a cup of coffee
What happens when a fly is found in a coffee cup? Depends on who found it.
American: Throws away the cup of coffee.
Brit: Removes the fly and drinks the coffee.
Chinese: Eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
Japanese: Drinks the coffee along with the fly, since the latter is a free benefit.
Israeli: Sells the coffee to a Brit and the fly to a Chinese and buys a new coffee.
Palestinian: Throws the fly into the coffee, then blames Israel; Requests financial assistance from the United Nations to buy more coffee; Takes a loan from the European Union for a new coffee. Uses the money to buy explosives. Afterwards, blows up the cafe where the Brit, the American, the Chinese and the Japanese are all trying to explain to the Israeli why the Palestinian is justified in being so angry.
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| נשלח ב-10/10/2006 12:38 |
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Families are like chocklates some sweet and some are nuts.
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| נשלח ב-12/10/2006 00:56 |
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The 'L I T T L E' things
As you might know,
the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her
alarm clock didn't go off in time.
One was late
due to: being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
because of an auto accident.
One of them
missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes
time to change.
One's
car wouldn't start.
Another went back to
answer the telephone.
One had a
child that dawdled
and didn't get ready
as soon as he should have.
One couldn't
get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man
who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
took the various means to get to work
but before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am
stuck in traffic,
miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
all the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
this is exactly where
God wants me to be
at this very moment..
Next time your morning seems to be
going wrong,
the children are slow getting dressed,
you can't seem to find the car keys,
you hit every traffic light,
don't get mad or frustrated;
God is at work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little things
and may you remember their possible purpose.
Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like.
There is NO LUCK attached.
If you delete this, it's okay:
God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail !!
 (that's the cool part) 
AMEN
Faith, Family, and Friends, ...all else is secondary.
take time to THANK GOD FOR ALL 3 DAILY.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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